Love Bank Inventory

Copyright © 1989 by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

If you are already familiar with the Love Bank and States of Marriage concepts: Click GO TO QUIZ.

If you are NEW to our concepts: We'd like to do a quick review about this quiz. Trust us ... this summary will help answer some difficult questions that you may have about your marriage.

Have you ever had these questions ...

  • Why is it that some of the brightest people are idiots when faced with marital conflict yet brilliant in resolving other conflicts at work or with friends?
  • What makes marital communication so tough for some and not for others?
  • How could a couple who started out feeling that they would love each other forever come to the conclusion that their marriage was the biggest mistake of their lives?

The answers to these questions have a simple answer; it has to do with the STATE of MARRIAGE that is explained by the LOVE BANK.


It’s the way our emotions keep track of the way people treat us. Everyone we know has an account. And the things people do either deposit or withdraw love units from their accounts in our Love Bank.

Watch the video to let Dr. Harley explain the Love Bank.


  • When a couple deposits enough love units into each other's Love Bank to breach the "romantic love threshold," each spouse will have a feeling of romantic love or a sense of trust and emotional intimacy. Instinctively, they will want to make the other happy, avoid being a source of unhappiness, try to come up with a "win-win" solution to conflicts, encourage honesty, and make sure there is ample undivided attention time together. We call that the State of Intimacy.
  • When the romantic love threshold has not been breached but there is still a positive Love Bank balance for both or one spouse, there will be an emotional bond combined with a sense that something is not right within the relationship, often showing signs of decisions made with self-centeredness and disrespectful conversation. We call that the State of Conflict
  • When the Love Bank balance has entered the negative territory for both or one spouse, due to more withdrawals than deposits of love units, numbness, disconnection, distrust, and dislike (even hate) are some feelings that spouses have in this state. Motivation to improve the relationship is lacking. This state tends to be more "peaceful" as compared to the State of Conflict, because spouses lead separate lives as the natural response. We call that the State of Withdrawal.

The important thing to remember is that the concepts within the Four Gifts of Love® lifestyle have helped millions around the world for over four decades achieving their dream to sustain, restore, or, for the first time, create romantic love with their spouse ... regardless of their initial Love Bank "state."

Or, to put it another way, we know how to make this statement a reality regarding the Love Bank: What goes down, can go up ... and stay up.

After you have completed this short, 21-question, empirically-validated quiz, we will not provide a score, but we will offer a NEXT STEP for your "state" based upon the score. You may ask, WHY not provide the score? Well, the answer is very practical: the score and state are changeable and it's our goal to help you take a journey to achieve a dream for your marriage ... a dream you probably had when you first agreed to get married ... to remain in the State of Intimacy with your spouse for your lifetime.

Let's start the journey to turn a DREAM for your marriage into a REALITY.

Instructions: (and fyi ... your responses are not stored on this site after the quiz is completed).

Indicate how much you agree or disagree with each of the following statements about your spouse by clicking the appropriate number.

The numbers listed below are to be interpreted as follows:

 -3 = not at all true, disagree completely
  0 = neutral, neither agree or disagree
+3 = definitely true, agree completely

1. I usually experience a good feeling whenever I think about _________.

2. I enjoy being with _________ more than anyone else.

3. I am easily aroused sexually by _________.

4. Whenever I daydream, I tend to think about _________.

5. I enjoy talking to _________.

6. I tend to overlook _________'s mistakes.

7. I have NOT recently considered ending my marriage or relationship with _________.

8. I find _________ to be physically attractive.

9. I enjoy _________'s sense of humor.

10. I would be very upset if I were to lose the companionship of _________.

11. I find _________'s personality to be attractive.

12. I am fascinated by _________.

13. I enjoy telling _________ my deepest feelings and most private experiences.

14. I feel that there is a "chemistry" between me and _________.

15. _________ brings out the best in me.

16. _________ is a type of person that is easy for me to like.

17. _________ has many personal traits that I admire.

18. I enjoy doing things for _________.

19. I find myself spending quite a bit of time thinking of ways to make _________ happy.

20. I want _________ to tell me his/her deepest feelings and most private experiences.

21. I have a feeling of romantic love toward _________.